Why Everyone Says 'It's Giving' But Ignores Where It Came From

Felix Müller · 2026-10-14

You've probably said "it's giving" or "spill the tea" this week. Maybe you've called someone a diva or described a look as cunty. These phrases are everywhere now—TikTok, group chats, even your mom's Facebook posts. But here's the thing: they didn't come from nowhere. They came from trans, queer, and ballroom culture, specifically Black and Latino communities. And the people who created them? They're still fighting to be seen as human. ### The Words You Use Every Day Have a History Think about it for a second. Terms like: - Serving - It's giving - Spill the tea - Clocking the tea - Cunty - Doll - Diva These aren't just internet slang. They're pieces of a living culture, shaped by drag queens, ballroom legends, and trans women who built entire languages of survival, shade, and celebration. And now they're used by mainstream folks who might not even know where they came from. ### The Contradiction That's Hard to Ignore Princess Jezebel, a London-based dominatrix and advocate, points out the glaring hypocrisy. "As a trans child, I remember watching The Silence of the Lambs with my brothers and sisters when I was 12 and seeing Buffalo Bill presented through the imagery of gender transition as a murderous predator," she says. "I grew up in a media culture that taught audiences to fear people like me, and now I live in a world where that same culture hijacks our language for cultural capital." She's not wrong. The same mainstream that gobbles up our slang has spent decades portraying trans people as dangerous, deviant, or disposable. It's a weird kind of theft—taking the cool parts while leaving the actual people behind. ### Madonna Did It First (But Not Really) Jezebel sees a clear parallel in Madonna's 1990 hit "Vogue." The song and dance brought ballroom culture to the masses. But ballroom wasn't invented in a Hollywood studio. It was born in Black and Latino LGBTQ+ communities, with trans women at the center. Madonna's success wasn't the problem—it was the pattern. Culture gets adopted, repackaged, and sold back to us without the originators getting their due. > "There is an extraordinary contradiction in celebrating what trans people create while continuing to demonise trans people themselves." — Princess Jezebel ### Why This Matters Beyond the Internet This isn't just about words. It's about who gets to be safe, who gets to be celebrated, and who gets to be themselves without fear. When you use "it's giving" in a caption, you're participating in a culture that trans women built. That's beautiful. But it also means you have a responsibility to stand up for them when they're being attacked. You don't have to be an activist. Just don't be a hypocrite. If you love the language, love the people who made it. It's that simple. ### What You Can Do - Learn the history of the slang you use. - Support trans creators and businesses. - Call out transphobia when you see it—even in your own circle. - Remember that culture is not a costume. It's someone's life. Princess Jezebel continues to speak out and build community for trans and non-binary BDSM professionals across the UK and Ireland. You can follow her journey online, but more importantly, you can carry her message forward: respect the roots, not just the branches.