The Hidden Cost of 'Serving': How Trans Language Went Mainstream

William Taylor · 2026-10-12

Princess Jezebel is a London-based dominatrix, trans advocate, and founder of a support community for trans and non-binary BDSM professionals across the UK and Ireland. She's also someone who's spent years watching something strange happen to the language she grew up with. Words like "serving," "it's giving," "spill the tea," "clocking the tea," "cunty," "doll," and "diva" are now everywhere. You'll hear them in TikTok comments, in corporate brand posts, in your cousin's group chat. They've become part of the everyday vocabulary of youth and internet culture. But here's what Jezebel wants people to remember: those words didn't come from nowhere. They were shaped inside Black and Latino queer, drag, and ballroom communities—communities where trans women were often at the center. And now, the same mainstream culture that has historically painted trans people as dangerous, deviant, or disposable is happily using their language for clout. ### The Contradiction That's Hard to Ignore Jezebel puts it plainly. "As a trans child, I remember watching *The Silence of the Lambs* with my brothers and sisters when I was 12 and seeing Buffalo Bill presented through the imagery of gender transition as a murderous predator," she says. "I grew up in a media culture that taught audiences to fear people like me, and now I live in a world where that same culture hijacks our language for cultural capital." She continues: "There is an extraordinary contradiction in celebrating what trans people create while continuing to demonise trans people themselves." That's the heart of her argument. You can't applaud the culture and reject the people who made it. ### Madonna's 'Vogue' and the Pattern That Never Ended Jezebel points to a clear historical parallel: Madonna's 1990 hit "Vogue." The song and its iconic dance style brought ballroom culture to a massive audience. But ballroom had been built over decades within predominantly Black and Latino LGBTQ+ communities. Trans women, drag queens, and queer people of color were the architects. Madonna's version became a global phenomenon. The originators? Often sidelined, underpaid, and erased from the story. Jezebel argues that same pattern is still running today. Trans and queer culture gets adopted, repackaged, and commercialised. The creators and originators rarely get centered. Meanwhile, those communities remain marginalized. ### Why This Matters Beyond Language This isn't just about hurt feelings over slang. It's about power. When mainstream culture takes language from a marginalized group but refuses to protect that group, it's extracting value without responsibility. You get the cool words. Trans people get the discrimination. Jezebel's work—both as a dominatrix and as a community builder—centers trans people directly. She offers first-hand commentary on trans identity, media, culture, and life in modern Britain. And she's not asking for permission to speak. She's simply pointing out what's right in front of us. ### What You Can Do If you use these words—and plenty of us do—here's a simple starting point: - **Learn the history.** Ballroom culture didn't start on TikTok. It started in Harlem and other Black and Latino queer spaces in the mid-20th century. - **Credit the source.** When you use "spill the tea" or "it's giving," know where it came from. - **Support trans people directly.** Follow trans creators, amplify trans voices, and donate to trans-led organizations. - **Call out the contradiction.** If a brand uses trans slang but won't stand up for trans rights, that's not allyship. That's appropriation. Jezebel isn't asking for much. Just honesty. If you love the language, love the people who made it too. Or at least stop pretending they don't exist. You can find and follow Princess Jezebel on Instagram at @transprincessjezebel.