The Uncomfortable Truth About 'Serving' and 'Spill the Tea'

James Wilson · 2026-10-12

You've probably said "it's giving" or "spill the tea" without thinking twice. These phrases have become part of everyday internet slang, used by everyone from teenagers to celebrities. But have you ever wondered where they come from? Princess Jezebel, a London-based dominatrix and advocate, wants you to know: these words have roots in trans, queer, and ballroom culture—communities that are still marginalized and demonized today. ### The Contradiction We Ignore Terms like "serving," "clocking the tea," "cunty," "doll," and "diva" originated in Black and Latino queer, drag, and ballroom communities, with trans women at the center. Now, they're used by mainstream culture for cool points. Jezebel points out the hypocrisy: the same society that adopts this language has historically portrayed trans people as dangerous or deviant. "As a trans child, I remember watching The Silence of the Lambs with my brothers and sisters when I was 12 and seeing Buffalo Bill presented through the imagery of gender transition as a murderous predator," Jezebel says. "I grew up in a media culture that taught audiences to fear people like me, and now I live in a world where that same culture hijacks our language for cultural capital. There is an extraordinary contradiction in celebrating what trans people create while continuing to demonise trans people themselves." ### Madonna's "Vogue" and the Pattern of Appropriation Jezebel sees a clear historical parallel in Madonna's 1990 hit "Vogue." The song and dance brought ballroom culture to the masses, but it was built on a foundation laid by Black and Latino LGBTQ+ communities. Madonna's version became a global phenomenon, while the originators remained largely invisible. Jezebel argues this pattern continues today: trans and queer culture is adopted, repackaged, and commercialized without adequately centering the creators. > "There is an extraordinary contradiction in celebrating what trans people create while continuing to demonise trans people themselves." — Princess Jezebel ### Why This Matters This isn't just about language. It's about respect and recognition. When we use these phrases, we're participating in a culture that has been shaped by marginalized communities. Acknowledging that history is a small but meaningful step toward honoring the people who created it. So next time you say "spill the tea," remember: you're speaking a language of resilience and creativity. Use it with awareness and gratitude. ### About Princess Jezebel Princess Jezebel is a professional dominatrix and founder of a community for trans and non-binary BDSM professionals across the UK and Ireland. She offers first-hand commentary on trans identity, media, culture, and life in modern Britain. You can find and follow her at TransPrincessJezebel.com.