Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey on Owning Your Authentic Sex Life

Amanda Miller · 2026-07-15

Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience, recently sat down with host Marcela Alonso on the *Get Schooled* podcast. The episode, titled "From Closet to Kink: Owning Your Authentic Sex Life with Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey," explores the journey from hiding your true desires to fully embracing them. It's a conversation that feels more like a deep talk with a trusted friend than a clinical lecture. Bisbey shares how she got into this field, what she's working on now, and what she hopes to tackle next. The big idea? Understanding what you genuinely want—separate from what society, family, or past partners have told you to want. That's where real freedom starts. ### The Power of Knowing What Fits Bisbey believes that sexual authenticity begins with knowing what genuinely fits you, not what's handed to you. She says that many people carry inherited shame about their desires, especially when those desires fall outside the mainstream. The podcast digs into how to spot the difference between what you truly want and what you've been conditioned to accept. "Marcela created such a warm, curious space for a real conversation," said Bisbey. "I enjoyed looking back at the experiences that shaped my work and discussing why it matters for people to understand what they genuinely want instead of simply following the model they were given. That awareness makes it easier to choose what actually works." ### Kink, Self-Knowledge, and Deliberate Choices A big part of the episode focuses on kink and how it fits into a healthy sex life. Bisbey doesn't treat kink as something fringe or taboo. Instead, she frames it as a natural expression of desire that, when explored safely and consensually, can deepen intimacy and self-awareness. She emphasizes that making deliberate choices—rather than just reacting to expectations—is key to building a satisfying relationship with yourself and your partner. - **Know your "why":** Ask yourself why you want something. Is it because you truly desire it, or because you feel pressured? - **Challenge inherited shame:** Recognize where your feelings about sex come from and decide if those beliefs still serve you. - **Communicate openly:** The best relationships are built on honest conversations about what each person wants. ### More Than a Therapist Bisbey brings more than just textbook knowledge to the table. She's an accredited advanced GSRD (gender, sexuality, relationship diversity) therapist, a sex and intimacy coach, an author, and a podcast host herself. She's also the Specialist Relationship Therapist on Channel 4's *Open House: The Great Sex Experiment*. Her lived experience as a queer, consensually non-monogamous leather woman gives her a unique perspective that resonates with listeners who feel like their desires don't fit the mold. ### Where to Listen The episode "From Closet to Kink: Owning Your Authentic Sex Life with Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey" is available now on platforms like Apple Podcasts, iHeart, Spotify, and Podchaser. You can learn more about Dr. Bisbey's work by visiting her website or checking out her Linktree. ### About Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey is a clinical psychologist based in Edinburgh with more than 30 years of experience helping people build meaningful relationships. She specializes in GSRD, consensual non-monogamy, and kink/BDSM, and she helps trauma survivors move from victim to survivor and back into life. She's the author of several books, including *Chopping Wood, Shaping Metal & Other Erotic Stories* and *Dancing the Edge to Reclaiming Your Reality*. She hosts the weekly podcast *The A to Z of Sex®* and is a sought-after media expert on sex, sexuality, intimacy, and trauma. ### Final Thoughts This episode is a must-listen for anyone who's ever felt like their desires didn't fit the script they were given. Bisbey's message is clear: you don't have to settle for a life that doesn't fit. Whether you're exploring kink, questioning your relationship structure, or just trying to figure out what you really want, this conversation offers a roadmap to owning your authentic sex life.